Dear Jesus......

I don't know if I need to tell you or begin to explain
but my heart is aching and I just want to cry but the tears wont come,
 I wont bore you with a long winded explanation  of why or
how or blame myself because you already know too well
all I ask all I need is that you steady this heart of mine
from this pain that I feel, am not going to worry about a thing
because I know that you hold me in the palm of your hands and
that you are the lover of my heart and healer of my soul. Calm this
raging storm inside.

love always,

Me xxx

A tribute to Marvin (B3)

This man is Marvin, Iv only had one up close encounter with him, and the rest was through his music ministry. From that one instance I met him, I know he was a very humble and respectful man, and now he is gone and passed on to glory. The body of Christ stood up and prayed with one desire to see him recover and stay with us longer, his death has caused so much sadness and pain but it has united us as Christians and we are greatly encouraged and made stronger. Heaven is now his reward for he lived for Christ and his death is only a gain,I can see him worshipping at the feet of father. I am greatly moved by his death because I was expectant to hear that he is well, I couldn't help but shed tears but am reminded and strengthened by the word of God to mourn with hope.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (NIV)

13 Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. 14 For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. 15 According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.

by this assurance we are at peace and we are not moved or discouraged , and we don't mourn like the unbelievers who have no hope, we have a hope in Christ.

his work and service for the lord while he was still alive just reminds me that when all is finished, when all is said and done, what you had done for God is all that matter, and it is all that you will have to show, not the earthly pursuits, the all come done to nothing. I am greatly encouraged to serve God with passion because of this man, and to any one who does not know Christ I would just encourage you to stop chasing the with wind and give your life to Christ, life's pursuits are all empty without the love of God in your life, let him give your life a more fulfilling purpose and meaning.

Marvin's life may have short but he has fought a good fight, he has run the race and he has kept the faith. he lives behind a far greater legacy than when he was alive  and because of him the name of the lord is glorified, heaven rejoices because a son is finally home. For now I pray for the comfort of the holy spirit to be with his family his fiancee friends his twin brother colleagues, and everyone who's life was touched by him in one way or another .until we meet, rest in the peace of God, ulale mu chibote chafumu.

24 thoughts at 24 ....

 
So I turned 24 3 days ago, normally my birthday is just like any other day and on this particular day I had work training all day, but this time around I decided to at least do something different just for a change, so I decide to have a meal at the twilight hawkers market in the city with a friend I recently met and it turned out to be lots of fun. A couple of months prior to my birthday I was feeling somewhat anxious about turning a year, anxious about being 24 and not much accomplishments to show for it, I am not in uni yet and still haven't even started studying something that will lead me to the actual degree I want, and the list is endless. I realised later that these feelings were stemming from the comparisons I was making to those around me and I was just feeling left out, but thank God I got to shake these feelings off before my birthday.

twilight hawkers market
 

 I know my life at this moment in time is far from what I want it to be but choosing not to focus on what my current situation looks like is what gives me a whole lot of confidence and just leaves me in a place where am at peace with myself, because let's face, seeing things with your physical eyes, you will not fall short to come up with a list of a thousand things that are wrong with your life, but instead I now see from within, I see with my spiritual eyes and every time I do all I see is greatness, I wish I could go back in time to that young and miserable girl I was and just hug her and tell her that you are letting the wrong things run and ruin your life, to that girl who stayed up all night crying because it didn't work out with her boyfriend, to that girl who was resentful because she though she had the worst father ever, to that girl who never felt enough or good in any way, I wish I could reach out to her and just hug her and tell her things can never get any worse than they were because it only gets better and that her best days of her life are ahead and not in the past, and that she could only begin to live that best life if only she decided to because it was all up to her. for now I know am grounded and in a place of stability, no matter what challenges I get to face, I can get battered, I can stagger but I still come out strong, I don't give up and resort to vices, I now resort to God and I stagger not at his word, its what keeps me coming out of every storm, I now know I have a future and hope, that all things are possible and that the sky is the limit, am still learning and I know that better things are still ahead, I know that the man of my dreams awaits me and that some day I will love falling in love with him , I know that only greatness lies ahead of me, and for now all I have to do is prepare myself for it. so here's to being 24 and the many lessons that still lie ahead .....

1. The fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom.

2. the word of God is the best manual you can use for life, it gives you light on every situation you can ever find yourself in, it gives you direction, there is no getting or feeling lost.

3. Success is not about acquiring things or reaching a status, its investing in yourself so that you can reach out to other people and make their life better, the number one investment I can ever make is in the gospel of our lord Jesus, making his good news known to everyone.

5. never lower your standards or make excuses for people who don't have any standards of their own or refuse to raise them, stand for something or fall for anything!

6. if you still stuck on the last chapter of your life you will never get to the next one, flip the page and move on.

7. being jealous of other people is like counting their blessings for them, it just puts so much pressure on you and puts you in an unnecessary competition

8.dont fall in love because everyone around you is or because you are lonely and feel left out, fall in love when the time is right, saves you the unnecessary heart ache.

9. only aim to become better than the person you where yesterday and not the person next to you. focus on you because we all have a different purpose in life and are all called to do different things.

10. the power to shape you own life, your future and destiny lies within you, your past struggles, mistakes and pains, they no longer define you (am a new creation in Christ)

11. but company will at some point corrupt you, if you have to be alone it is way better than being with the wrong people. make your friends wisely, if they don't bring you closer to God, stay away from them!

13. doing things the same way over and over again and expecting a different result is pure madness, things wont change and till you confront them or work on finding different approaches.

14. be the person you want your life long partner to be before you can start thinking of sharing of sharing your life with someone else.

15. be confident in yourself, don't keep second guessing yourself or try to be a perfectionist, get things done and if it doesn't work out try again. its people who try and people who do things that society gets to reward.

16. life is fragile: handle it with prayer.

17. don't seek happiness, seek joy. happiness is a state of mind that comes from external factors while joy is true contentment that comes from internal factors.

19.life is too short to spend it with people who don't add any value to your life or are there to just suck out the happiness out of your life.

20. worrying will not make things any better but will just steal you joy from your now, its like that rocking chair quote, so instead of worrying talk to God.

21. don't worry about the wrong things that people have done to you or live in hurt, because hurt in your heart will consume you so much so that you will end up hurting more than the people who hold that hurt against.

22. the number one thing to look out for in a man is his love for God.

23. don't live in the fear of the unknown and sticking to what you know, great things were achieved by people who were willing to get out of their comfort zone.

24. its never too late to achieve or do something, so long their is life then there is still hope and the best time to do it is now.

I know there are challenges that are still ahead of me but they will be only to help me grow in faith and character because I know that am already an overcomer.



HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY TO ME........

 

Friday night hang out!

its a Friday night, am in bed and in the company of a cuppa. before you go and think how pitiful that sounds and feel somewhat sorry for me, to me that's my perfect idea of weekend relaxation and 'chills' (I tried other ideas and usually found them repulsive) . any who, am here watching YouTube videos of Zambian weddings and that kind of stuff and am 'oooing' and 'awwwing' and thinking to myself of how much I just love weddings, and I just love love! ... I don't know if that makes sense but it does to me...hahaha ... anyway, so looking at these couples or love birds as they call them it takes me back to the question that I usually ask myself, "will I ever be ready for such a huge commitment and how will I know if I really am?" .. its one thing to be dreamy about weddings and another thing to do marriage, they are totally two different things. And how did I get to thinking of weddings and marriage in the first place? right! the Boys II Men song ' can you stand the rains' after watching... well I don't remember the title of the movie. anyways I know I can be sure that when the write time comes the holy spirit will let me know and I definitely sure it will come because I read somewhere that "none shall lack her mate".    Yep! so in the mean while I guess I can relax and take as much time as I need knowing that he's out there somewhere and that when he finally arrives ill be ready and I'll know it . As for now and head back to where I left off, 'owwing & awwwing' at you tube wedding videos:)

Little jottings from old diaries ...

Writing has always been the easiest way for me to express freely what's on the inside , I still find that I fall short of words when in it comes to speaking. Iv tried and maybe still trying to improve on it but let's just say its a work in progress. Coming back to writing, iv kept a few of my Journals from time back and from time to time I get to read them again, and most of the times the word and the writings feel new to me, almost like I never wrote them. And other times they are the exact words I need for that particular moment even when the words are old. Its a Monday today but for some reason it feels like a Sunday or Saturday, maybe its cause I stayed in the house the whole day, am at a point where my mind is bubbling with a lot of things; there's a war going on inside, More like a battle between faith and fear. here's what I got to find in one of my journals that has sparked something inside me .

 

 

 "put your best into anything you do" - Mary Kay Ash

 

"We must have a theme goal, a purpose in our lives . If you don't know where you are aiming you don't have a goal. My goal is to live my life in such a way that when I die someone can say she care" - Mary Kay Ash

 

"it takes a good deal of bravery to stand up to our friends, but as much to stand up to our enemies" - JK Rowling

 

"What's the worst that could happen. everyone turned me down. Big deal!" - JK Rowling

 

"I got my start by giving myself a start" - Madame CJ Walker

 

"A dreamer looks beyond the limits of today to the possibilities of tomorrow and sees what can be instead of settling for what is.

A dreamer imagines the most wonderful new things and finds a way to make them real

A dreamer knows that stars were made to wish upon and that wishes come True" - I don't remember author

 

~~~~ I guess am a dreamer who needs to gather up the courage to walk into my dreams and to find their place in this world ~~~~

 

 Question is, what are my dreams, and what is my purpose?.......  the answers to these questions lie within me, it all comes down to Courage & Confidence!

 

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest". - Joshua 1:9

 

  "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded " - Hebrews 10:35

 

 

 

at this moment in time ...

Every night I leave my bedroom blinds half open, this is because I love the view of the city lights in the dark, not for any particular reason but one of them is that I love how from my room the city is reduced to sprinkles of scattered lights.

That is a view of Perth city centre in western Australia. seven months ago at twenty something years old I packed up my bags and flew 19hours across the Indian ocean, actually its something that I had looked forward to for a very long time, and now here I am. Perth at first sight wasn't all too impressive for me, I had higher expectations but they were sort of dampened, I guess that's what happens when you only get snapshots of the city. But then again its not a terrible place to live, just not for me I guess. its here in Perth that I got to see the ocean for the first time, it was so beautiful that I was almost brought to tears, I could feel them burning hot at the back of my eyes. It was a moment of 'African girl meets ocean', I guess that is what happens when you from a landlocked country and never travelled that much before.

since that encounter I haven't been back to the beach again, its summer right now and almost desert hot but the thought of going to the beach is almost like a pipe dream when you are pressed for time, not like am missing out on much except for the view and serenity, I cant swim and the thought of sharks .... well let's just say am not the only one who's a) frightened of becoming a shark's morning or afternoon tea b) who just doesn't have enough time to go all the way to the beach.



makeshift beach outside the state library ... aussies never run short of ideas:)

This year will be my first Christmas away from home and also my first Christmas in summer, the thought of it just makes me miss the rains and the smell of the soil after it rains, its the most perfect weather for as it goes perfectly well with my love for a good back and snuggling with a duvet while sipping on some hot beverage *dreamy* . For now I've got summer and a heart full of dreams,  from where am standing right now things might seem impossible but with faith and the insurance of the God's word, I see great things that excite me, its the beauty of seeing with your real eyes, looking at the unseen. And as I said, Perth really isn't for me, so already devising my next stop ....................

my sister sings "how he loves us" by kim walker.

 

 

My family is one of the most precious things I have, and whenever we take time off our busy schedule to spent together it makes me really happy . I consider myself very blessed , that I could be so far away from home and still get to be with family. It takes a while sometimes before we could gather together but I think that makes it even more exciting, you get to look forward to the laughter , the too loud conversations and jokes and encouragement and the warmth .... and sometimes some singing too, yep! we are a family of many talents, this was a couple of months ago , a day or two after I arrived in Perth and my sister, brother in law cousins paid me a welcome visit .. priceless moments:)